WHO IS A DBA? A database administrator (DBA) directs or performs all activities related to maintaining a successful database environment. Responsibilities include designing, implementing, and maintaining the database system; establishing policies and procedures pertaining to the management, security, maintenance, and use of the database management system. To make long story short A DBA is the backbone of any mission critical system.
- DBA gets so many enemies at work.
- DBA gets more email alerts from the database than texts from his girlfriend or wife.
- DBA does Google his problems like others but end up searching his own blog.
- DBA gets no phone calls from his home when he does not turn up for the family function or weekend party because the family knows the full form of DBA – Doing Business After-hours.
- DBA gets phone calls from work at any time even when he is on vacation, if he does not answer the call then he is answerable to it.
- DBA can never explain his family what exactly he does at work and end up saying he is just a software engineer like others in IT.
- DBA takes almost a day or two to create a table wherein a developer can create it in just a second.
- DBA always advise to beautify the code.
- DBA would not share the SA password with the company CEO.
- DBA’s best choice of creating a new login with DATAREADER permission.
- DBA can forget his bank password but would never forget the SA password.
- DBA keeps multiple copies of the database at different hard drives, where in rest of the world try to remove duplicate files from their computer.
- DBA rush to the server room when everyone else rush out the building in CODE-RED (Fire).
- DBA is hardly seen at his own desk. Mostly seen either at server room or meeting room or at some developer’s desk.
- DBA has a great capability of convincing the boss asking 80GB RAM on the server and 16GB for his office laptop.
- DBA’s laptop and office computer are more powerful than the servers in most companies.
- DBA gives project dead line by 2X than others but still miss them.
- DBA always searches for a better db tool in the world to manage the databases.
- DBA has a one set of scripts that he won’t share with others, does not matter if copied from the internet.
- DBA encrypts his own written objects.
- DBA always writes SQL keywords in capital.
- DBA will not hesitate to kill the developer, if a script found without where clause.
- DBA sticks many notes on his desk.
- DBA tunes a database query to run faster, and expect everybody to be happy for him.
- DBA makes a plenty of money, but gets excited to own a $2.00 key chain or $5.00 pen drive from Microsoft or Redgate.
- DBA can be seen most of the time with higher management people discussing database strategies, security and the developer names not following the coding standard.
- DBA is the only one in the company not impressed with the developer’s new application because he has got some more stuff to take care of.
After all “DBA” is also “Default Blame Acceptor” for everything 🙂